Tuesday, 28 March 2017

They said what!?

It would seem that cooking is what gives me my blogging motivation. There I was, making a bolognese to go in the slow cooker (BFF) for tomorrow's tea and DING... I got really excited about writing another blog post.

This time, I wanted to write about the things that people say to you when you are on a diet. Some make my blood boil and some just make me roll my eyes. So, here we go:

1. "Everything in moderation!" 

THAT OLD CHESTNUT!! It makes me cringe to hear it. Everything in bloody moderation? Do they expect me to reply with, "oh! Is that all it takes? Is that it? Well, now you've said that to me, all my diet troubles are solved! I'll just go over there and eat moderately, then! Don't know why I didn't think of that before!"? Frankly, if I actually knew what moderation was, then the likelihood is that I would never have been over weight, or struggling with my weight, in the first place! It's a bit like that age old classic "how long is a piece of string?" I mean, I would find it perfectly moderate to eat two family sharing bags of Maltesers because hey, I haven't eaten three of them! Right? 

I do know a few people that can eat bad things 'moderately', my boyfriend being one of them. He is an absolute enigma to me because he can open a Toblerone, eat one piece and then put it away in the cupboard for two months and forget it's even there!! I know! Those people DO exist!! I would open the Toblerone and then hear it talking to me, telling me to go and eat every last bit, even if I intended to just eat a moderate amount. It is my whole battle with moderation that got me into the pickle I'm in in the first place, so that old chestnut gets a HUGE eye roll from me. 

2. "I thought you were on a diet?" 

Just what you want pointing out when you have your fourth cookie half way to your mouth and there's chocolate in your hair. Yes, I am supposed to be, but evidently the tiny, evil (probably skinny) devil on my shoulder has won that particular mental battle today, thanks for noticing. *middle finger Emoji*

3. "Well if you just eat a bit better and do some more exercise, the weight will come off." 

This one is a shout out to all the GP's out there that feel the need to make comments like this. A prime example of an absolute stating the obvious CLANGER. My reply? "Yes. I do realise that, thanks, but what I actually came to see you about was my tonsillitis. Thanks for just feeling the need to get that in there. I hope your next patient projectile vomits all over you." (This genuinely happened to me!)

4. "You're basically starving yourself. You can just have one can't you?"

I'm not. I am absolutely not starving myself. I eat 3-4 decent meals every day, actually. The fact that I'm seeing progress is because I'm eating the right things and plenty of them. Also, when I am on a roll and riding the wave of plentiful willpower, I don't want people to try and push me off it. Just nod and agree, accepting the fact that I will just munch my carrot sticks and wipe the drool off my chin as I stare at the Kettle Chips in the bowl. It may sound like a modern form of torture, but I quite enjoy the challenge of avoiding temptation when I'm in the right mood. Happens about once a year. Lasts about an hour. 

5. "When I am craving chocolate, I just do a tribal dance in my knickers whilst chewing hay" 

OK, so I might have slightly exaggerated on this one and it's more likely to be, "when I'm craving chocolate, I just eat a handful of nuts", but it all sounds the same in my head. When I am craving something, I don't want to eat a handful of nuts. I don't want to chew mint leaves and I don't want to inhale raisins "because they're sweet". No. When I am craving chocolate, I want chocolate. I'll eat the nuts if they're in a bar of Cadbury's Dairy Milk Whole Nut, but otherwise, I'll pass, thanks. 

6. "Well, you're just big all over really, aren't you?" 

This one goes out to all of the people that have ever made unnecessary and frankly inappropriate comments about anybody's weight. I will fill you in on the backstory to that comment; I was once in a bar with one of my particularly pretty and dainty old friends. I was, as always in my 18 year old, painfully self conscious days, playing gooseberry whilst a young man chatted her up. He commented that she had such tiny little hands and in my efforts to try and involve myself in the conversation, I said, "I've got really big hands." He then replied with, "yeah, well you're just big all over really, aren't you?" Charming. I promptly fell apart because his opinion had the power to affect me. It hurt so much. I have had countless other comments that have been just as tactless and down right rude and every single one of them has stayed with me. For a long time, they left me feeling unacceptable. It was my fault that nobody was interested in me because I didn't fit the appearance mould. Well. I don't give those comments that power anymore. I honestly don't. They do not and will not even register with me because the people I know and care about would never even dream of making comments like that. Anybody that does is not worth a thought in my mind. 

So, there we have it! Let's call it my top six 'things people say to you when you are on a diet'. I feel like I ended it on a more serious note than I started it, but that is because as much as I can laugh and joke about most things in life, sometimes people really do require a bit of sensitivity and tact. 

I hope I have made you smile and that you could relate. Let me know what you think!


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